Repost: 3 Ways Mindfulness Can Improve Your Relationships

Repost: 3 Ways Mindfulness Can Improve Your Relationships

This blog post originally appeared on About Meditation.

Do you ever struggle to connect or communicate with your partner? I mean, who doesn’t?

But what a lot of people don’t know is that brain science shows that practicing mindfulness can help you in this area of life.

You see, mindfulness is much more than meditation. It’s more like a fundamental approach to life.

Mindfulness Improves Relationships

It starts with choosing to become more aware of how we show up in life and making conscious choices about what our presence looks and feels like in each moment.

All of this can inform the way we are as individuals in our relationships.

How is that?

Because mindfulness can help you cultivate healthier relationships through stress reduction, enhanced emotion-regulation abilities, and honed communication skills (Among other ways I am sure)!

1. Stress reduction

We’ve all experienced that moment when we are so stressed that the little things start to bother us. Stress increases our irritability levels, and then inconsequential things start to elicit reactivity.

I know you know what I’m talking about…

Mindfulness meditation can help reduce stress, and consequently, make each individual in a relationship less likely to argue about the little things that—oftentimes unnecessarily—blow up into big things.

Here’s one quick mindfulness exercise to help you in moments like that. Try this stress-busting breathing with your partner.

2. Enhanced Emotion Regulation

It’s becoming clearer to researchers that practicing mindfulness meditation can help us regulate our emotions, and lash out less at one another!

How does that work?

Studies show that practicing mindfulness meditation decreases the grey-matter volume of the amygdala—the fear center of the brain—and increases the grey-matter volume of our pre-frontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain responsible for forethought, and what we call “higher order” functions.

But it doesn’t stop there. Mindfulness meditation is also associated with increased connection between the amygdala and pre-frontal cortex. This leads to greater integration of our emotions and intellect.

How This Can Help Your Relationship

But you might be wondering, how does this help us? Here’s an example.

When our partner says something we don’t like, it’s plausible that instead of thinking it through, we feel threatened. That activates the amygdala that readies us to attack back.

In truth, much of the time when our partner “acts out” it’s from a place of their own insecurity, and their own deep-rooted pain.

So instead of impulsively trying to attack back from one’s own “wounded place,” try responding with compassion for all of the pain both of you are experiencing by truly listening and then responding from a place that is less fear-based.

Slowly, but steadily, we can work together with our partner to decrease our amygdala volume!

3. Honed Communication Skills

Now, imagine that instead of immediately reacting based on fear, we take a moment to pause and reflect on why we feel threatened and then proceed to respond with more kindness.

We can then start to imagine that our significant other also has their own insecurities and hot-button issues. It’s hard, but imagine if each individual in a partnership practiced taking a few breaths before lashing out and attacking in return and instead responded with a calmer and less defensive demeanor.

We’d actually give one another the space to be heard, and the opportunity to communicate without our armor. WOW.

But how do we do this?

Each partner works on becoming more attuned to their own emotional landscape by starting to understand what triggers them most, and why.

For example, someone might immediately be on the attack if her significant other calls to say that they will be late to dinner. It’s important to understand why that call felt so threatening that it resulted in anger and lashing out.

Perhaps, and this is just an example, it taps into someone’s deeper fear of being abandoned by their partner. If possible, cultivate compassion for oneself for experiencing such deep pain, and even needing to be on the defensive.

This takes time, and it’s a process…one that is often worked upon in therapy.

A Mindful Listening Exercise

Then, maybe try THIS:

Mindful listening is a core element of healthy communication.

Really taking the time to listen to how the other feels, without immediately and sometimes impulsively reacting, creates the space for both parties to feel heard and then to show up in kind with a more mindful ear.

I recommend you set a timer for five minutes. Then one partner begins to speak about whatever they would like (this isn’t the time to attack the other, this is just about practicing uninterrupted listening), which can include how they feel about the relationship or about anything at all.

Non-verbal responses are permitted from the listening part, but no verbal response of any kind.

Then, when the timer goes off switch roles so that the speaker now becomes the listener. Each time you practice the exercise, switch off who starts being the initial listener and vice versa.

Repost: Five to Thrive: 5 Ways Mindfulness Meditation Leads To Greater Well-Being

Repost: Five to Thrive: 5 Ways Mindfulness Meditation Leads To Greater Well-Being

This blog post originally appeared on THRIVE GLOBAL

Here are five digestible bytes of well-regarded facts, opinions, and ideas about mindfulness meditation’s ability to lead to greater well-being!

1. Reframe the Experience of Pain:

Mindfulness meditation’s ability to provide pain relief can be done by cultivating the ability to parse between the objective sensory dimension of pain and the more subjective judgement that we attach to the pain and the way that we interpret it mentally.

Read More: How the Brain Can Change Your Experience of Pain

2. Boost the Immune System:

A recent and groundbreaking review looked at 20 randomized control trials examining the effects of mindfulness meditation on the immune system. In reviewing the research, the authors found that mindfulness meditation “Reduced markers of inflammation, high levels of which are often correlated with decreased immune functioning and disease.”

Mindfulness meditation also increased the number of CD-4 cells, which are the immune system’s helper cells involved in destroying infections. There was also increased telomerase activity which helps promote the stability of chromosomes and prevent their deterioration (telomerase deterioration leads to cancer and premature aging).

Read More: Train Your Brain to Boost Your Immune System

3. With the Processing of Trauma:

Deregulation of the brain areas associated with emotional regulation and memory are key contributors to the symptoms associated with PTSD. In addition, an over-activity in the brain’s fear center, the amygdala, can be found in those suffering from Trauma-related disorders. Mindfulness reverses these patterns by increasing prefrontal and hippocampal activity, and toning down the amygdala.

In fact, brain scans confirm that mindfulness meditation is correlated with an increase in gray matter in the hippocampus, a decrease of gray matter in the amygdala, and neuroimaging studies have found that mindfulness meditation also helps to activate the Pre-frontal Cortex.

Read More: The Science of Trauma, Mindfulness, and PTSD

4. Reduce Anxiety:

Dr. Elizabeth Hoge, a psychiatrist at the Center for Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Disorders at Massachusetts General Hospital and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says that mindfulness meditation makes perfect sense for treating anxiety. “People with anxiety have a problem dealing with distracting thoughts that have too much power,” she explains. “They can’t distinguish between a problem-solving thought and a nagging worry that has no benefit.” Mindfulness meditation cultivates the ability to be more discerning. Subsequently, we can use the opportunity to take action on the problem solving, and to see the worry without judgment and more compassion.

Read More: Mindfulness meditation may ease anxiety, mental stress

5. Create Space for Less Reactivity and Stress:

In every situation, we can choose to REACT from a place of fear and perhaps anger, or RESPOND more mindfully.

Reacting is a reflexive, and sometimes impulsive, way to behave in a situation. It’s not adaptive and often leads to increased stress and tension. In contrast, responding is a more mindful approach to any given situation. But in order to respond in lieu of reacting, we need to STOP:

  • Stop.
  • Take a breath.
  • Observe.
  • Proceed (more mindfully).

Just ONE extra moment to take a step back, regroup, and consider a healthier response can make a huge difference.

Read More: How To Achieve Mindful Living? Just Mind The Gap!

The bottom line seems to be that mindfulness meditation can help us live our best lives.

What’s your experience with mindfulness meditation? Have you noticed any of these benefits? I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, experiences, feedback, and questions!

Let’s THRIVE, together!